I was homeless when the Cat Distribution System recruited me. Camped under a bridge alongside the old canal, I shared my food and blanket with some homeless kittens.

“You’re a good person” a voice said.

I jumped and clutched my blanket, backing up against the concrete. “Leave me alone! I don’t have anything to steal.”

“Sorry to startle you. I’m here to offer you a job”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

The stranger indicated the kitten nose-down in a nearly empty tuna can. “I’ve seen what i need to see.”

“What’s the job? I won’t do evil.”

“Kitten smuggling. We get them to a safe country, find them homes. Subsidised accommodation but a lot of travel.”

That was six months ago. If you’re on a train, plane or suborbital and you see a kitten poking its nose out of a human or augmented human’s jacket, no you didn’t.

"What can I do for you, my lady?"

"I need a suit of armour modified," the lady said.

The armourer took her measurements, checked the pieces, and gave her an appraising look. "You've had this a while?"

"Yes. Since before... Ah..."

"Thought so. You'll need new thigh pieces and a wider skirt."

Sir Belvedere studied the board. "You have me at checkmate," he said.

The dragon inclined her head. "You fought well, Sir Knight."

The knight stood. "I love what you've done. The kaleidescope of colors enhances the cavern visually."

"Thank you. A fairy taught me the spell. Until next time?"

"I battled valiantly with the dragon. The townsfolk are safe for another month." The knight paused. "Next time, shall I bring scones?"

"That," replied the dragon, "would be lovely."

"You deleted your planet?" asked Azrafel. "Can't you restore if from a backup?"

"I haven't backed up since the Mesozoic Era!" Ariel wailed. "I was on the verge of civilization! Domesticated crops! Cities! All gone!"

"Well," said Azrafel, "it's not so bad. Dinosaurs are pretty cool...."

Ariel was not mollified. "Dinosaurs can't worship you, Azrafel. I was set to become a god...."

"A god," noted Azrafel, "who forgets to back up his work...."

"You wish me to summon and bind a water spirit to operate your new drawbridge?"

"Indeed!" exclaimed Duke Ruben. "We were hoping you could donate your spellwork for free."

Medea raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"

"Everyone will marvel that Medea the sorceress created this wonder! Think of the exposure!"

"I think," she said, "that transforming you to a frog would net me equal exposure, yes?"

The duke swallowed hard. "Is 1,000 gold guilders good?"